he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Randomize
