So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
