Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
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