1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
