i may or may not be watching the land before time
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
