Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
