You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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