there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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