I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Randomize
