You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
