Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I FOUND THE LEGS
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
