I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
