I molested 6 butterflies tonight
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
Randomize
