ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
