If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
