Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
