glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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