im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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