guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
