and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
