This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
My ATM looks so different sober.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
