There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
