Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
