You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
