Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize