so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
