your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
