Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
