I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
