Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
