i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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