i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
