I think my fart just growled at me.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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