So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
it was like eating out sand paper
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
