apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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