we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
