i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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