I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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