erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
