i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Randomize
