plz talk dirty to me
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
