Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
