I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
