My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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