Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
