I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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