If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
A bitchslap is in order.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Randomize
