have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
