its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize