Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
