So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
