R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
