So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
