and you said cock pushups were impossible
He felt like a one man threesome
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Randomize
