East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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