walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize