So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
True strength comes from lack of pants
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
