I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Randomize
