I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
