I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
