u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
