theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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