I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Randomize
