I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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