I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
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