Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
