We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
