there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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