Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
