the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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