we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
