I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
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