Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
