i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Randomize
