If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
