I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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