hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
