Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Randomize
