College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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