would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
We just shotgunned beers for America
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
