bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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