obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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