I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
