they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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