the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
A bitchslap is in order.
Randomize
