why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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