Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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