hotel room ftw
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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