The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
This is not my ceiling
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Randomize